• fluctusmulier

Pandemic | The anxiety

Updated: May 21, 2020

Hi guys!

How are you?

I know, this question is very hard to be answered at this moment because of the situation that we are all in.

Coronavirus or Covid-19 has impacted the lives of everyone in the globe, more for some people and less for others but nonetheless everyone is in the same situation where we are prisoned in our own houses.

It is a very hard time and today I decided to write about how I, myself, feel about this whole situation.

I am not good at conveying what I feel into words but one thing I know for sure, I am scared.

I am scared mainly for the future because it is unpredictable. Like who would have known in December or even earlier in September- October that this will happen.

This is my story, and how I cope with everything that is happening.

I am a student in London, at the London College of Fashion. Obviously, as the name of my university suggests I partake in fashion courses which is a dream. But as an abroad student who lived until the age of 19 in another country and then moved to follow her dreams, when going back is a hustle in its purest form.

What do I mean by hustle? It is the fact that maybe you are staying in student accommodation or living in a shared house, and you need to move and go back home for months. The stuff that you allowed to bring for the time of your studies, is not little. I can say from my experience that at the end of my first year in college, moving my stuff to a deposit was horrible. I needed to pay a lot of money for the company and the packing itself was so hard and exhausting.

I made a lot of plans so that at the end of my second year to not go through this again. Because for me, I gained a lot of anxiety and fear after that experience. I will go into more detail with another post, cause I just scraped the top of the iceberg with that event.

So I planned to stay over the summer, made a whole new contract to live in student accommodation and some of my friends decided to visit me in that period of time. Everything was organized and well planned that in my head I was like ‘ Anything can happen and I will still be okay’, well that statement was so completely wrong.

When I said 'anything', I was thinking more like anything happening with me, not with the whole world and so I learned that you can’t take anything for granted and how much you planned and stress over how things will progress, ultimately you will never know.

When the Pandemic came, firstly I decided to stay in England because I believed that it is safer since the health system is so much more developed than the one in my country but as the time went I came into the conclusion that maybe it is better to just go home and be with my parents.

Coming to this conclusion was one of the hardest things that I ever went with, I had so much anxiety and fear for the future that I still remember how I would stay nights awake and cry myself to sleep because everything came so fast.

When you make a decision like that, you need to put in balance a lot of extern occurrences that can arise. For me, it was the contract with my accommodation and the money that will have been eventually lost, my stuff that I needed to pack really fast, and how things will gonna progress with my studies.

Everything was uncertainty and for someone who suffers from anxiety, this was a catalyst of huge dimensions.

I do not know how to explain properly how I felt in that week and a half, cause that’s how long it took me to turn my life upside down. I felt like I was drowning in my anxiety, my head was 100% active with so many worries for myself and my family who put so many bad thoughts in it. Almost every friend that I talked to, took this whole situation with COVID-19 like it is a joke and believed that countries panicking is just stupid.

Let me make myself clear, it is not stupid. And if you think like that, you are childish and irresponsible. This virus may not have a huge mortality rate but it is still very deadly in a way that if everyone is getting sick at the same time the health care will not be able to take care of everyone.

It is not a joke.

Therefore, the decision to come back was hard to make but now looking back it was the best thing that I could have done.

The situation got worse in a matter of days, a lot of people who I knew decided as well as me to just go back cause London was a ghost town, at that point. And mark my words, better stay with your family in a time like this, cause you never know what’s gonna happen and regrets cannot bring back time.

Yes, I stayed for two weeks in quarantine by myself without my family and friends, and yes it was boring and quite lonely but it is only 14 days like that. Afterward, you are reunited with your family and all of you can share the unfair fulness of this situation. You have the people that are there for you when you need them, who are as scared as you.

I know that not everyone sees it like I do, that some people have difficulties with their families/ relatives, but this is my side of the story and I hoped I helped someone who maybe had the same struggles as I had.

Stay safe and stay positive!


freepik (2019). Available at:

Gruet (2019). Available at:

frephill (2018). Available at:



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